Loneliness Hurts Me Too

So I just realized something.

I've been down lately. No, that's not what I just realized. And I know that my being down has been bothering my fiance a lot and I'm sure thats the reason why he's been asking me if I still want to marry him, or if Im still happy about being engaged. Which, btw, the answer is yes to both.

But I realized that I feel guilty about it. And I know why.

I've always been the type of person that wants others happiness more than my own. I want others to be taken care of. So I feel guilty for finding my happiness while my friends are struggling to find theirs.

I didn't realize it until yesterday. I was talking to a friend of mine and he was talking about how lonely he was but how happy he was for me. I thanked him, but it made me depressed. I know that there's nothing I can do for him, except be his friend, but it bothers me so much.

There's so much more I want to say, but I don't know how to say it anymore. I just want people to be happy.

It's almost like having food to eat while the person next to you has none. It's not your fault they don't have food, but you can't help but feel bad about it. It's the same exact thing.

I'm so grateful to have Stephen in my life. And I'm so happy that he's going to be my husband. But I can't help but feel bad for those who haven't found their happiness. And I feel too guilty to talk about my engagement to someone I know is lonely.

Is it stupid to feel that way? Am I the only one?

And why are my friends lonely? I don't freaking get it. They are amazing people who deserve love. Can no one see that? I wish I could find someone for them.

*sigh*

I worry about people too much. I hope Stephen is okay with that....

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