Purity in Words

Let me start out by saying that I am not allowed to watch or read Harry Potter. I'm okay with that now because I'm 25 and there's just no use in arguing with my mom.   So without a whole lot of back story, I have seen all the movies except 7.2 and it got me pretty interested in reading the book.    Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone. Easy read. And honestly I'm glad I watched it first because I'm one of those people that is disappointed by movies not following books. Like the one thing that seriously bugged me was the Neville was ALL OVER the book. I LOVE Neville. Why did they remove him so much from the movie? What the heck?!    Anyway, really good book. Really easy read. It took me two days and I read it at work lol.    I'm sad that they changed how certain things happened, but again, I think its because of Neville. Psh.    Anyway, I'll talk more about my background with Harry Potter later.

The last month has been difficult for me. But this last week has made it hard for me to keep from breaking. I really wish I had someone I could talk to about everything. But I don't. I've been trying to make friends but its difficult for me. And then I realized that I have never made a friend on my own. I have either adopted them from other people, or they befriended me. I have never done it on my own. That's horrible to me. And extremely discouraging. And I found out that my coworker is dating a friend of mine from high school. Which is hard for me because he brings up really bad memories. Which I thought I got over and dealt with. But I didn't. I don't know what to do anymore

On tumblr, there's a picture that someone posted that is a big word search and it says "Physiological find-a-word. The first 3 words you find describes you". Kid you not, I found whore, broke, and fat. I may be broke but I am definitely NOT the other two. Although I may feel fat, I kind of have to be, you know, ... *cough* sexually active.... to even qualify as a whore. And although I know it's really stupid and not true, it left me really depressed. Why did I find those words first, I wonder?

Today was difficult for me. I mean, usually I'm in a pretty melancholy mood. Well, no, I guess it depends. Someone once told me that she thought I was bipolar. I'm not bipolar, I am just able to switch from one thing to another easily. So if I'm depressed, and as long as I can find something that makes me happy, I can make the switch easily. Unless there's a deeper issue that is taking a toll on me. Anyway.... So today was difficult for me. (debating whether or not I want to talk about it.... eh, no one reads my blogs anyway lol) I happen to have a few things I don't like to think about. Like my ex, for example. He's a nice enough guy, but I'm uh... *cough* I'm not exactly over him. Which I suppose is natural. I mean, we dated in February. And I'm not obsessive. At all. We talk as friends when we talk. We don't ever talk about the relationship we had or could have had. We knew it wasn't meant to be and put it behind us. But I can't h...

It's sad really. The vacation I set up for to go to VidCon isn't happening. Or rather, I got the vacation, but I can't go to VidCon. So I'm trying to decide what I'm going to do that week. Either way, I need a vacation. Work is driving me crazy and I need to catch up on sleep. I also want to see the sun. I don't see it often. So looking for a week off of work. It's been a long time since I've taken a vacation. Like... a couple of years. I'm so ready lol

#ThatAwkwardMoment when my ex informs me that its our 4 year anniversary for the wedding that never happened. Srsly. Happiest moment of my life when we broke up. Okay thats a lie. I was devastated. But Im really happy now ^_^ Btw, it's been 4 years? Really? It feels like longer lol

I am so tired right now. I hate how I'm super tired before I go to sleep in the morning but then I never sleep well. Okay, actually, that's not true. I sometimes sleep well. It's just rare. Maybe I should start taking sleeping aides lol. But today I went to bed before noon and I was okay until the cat decided she wanted to explore my newly re-unorganized room (I'm reorganizing it but I'm not even close to done) and she was making so much noise. And then my family came home. And I didn't want to wear earplugs in fear of not hearing my alarm. That's happened before. And tomorrow there are some guys coming to replace all the windows in the house and I have a staff meeting at 2pm. So I'm going to lose more sleep. Augh, I'm so complainy. But I'm tired lol. Can't wait until the weekend ^_^ Oh, and I'm officially off broccoli (unfortunate, because I love it). It's lame that I'm allergic to it :(

Not one of my favorite past times. It seems to be the one thing that I hate doing that I can't seem to not do. Terribly frustrating. I had an awkward conversation with my coworker last night. Turns out she's dating a guy I went to school with. Which is fantastic. He's a good guy and he'll treat her well. But it was also awkward because I was slightly involved with him for a while. And by involved, I mean we didn't date, but I did like him. I don't mean involved. LOL. Anyway, it brought back a lot of memories. A lot of painful memories that I didn't know I had. Even worse is that I don't remember them well, so I really have no idea what they are about exactly. And I can't stop thinking about it. Usually a good distraction is playing video games but for some reason I find absolutely no solace in Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. And actually, I'm replaying the game on Master Quest, I've come to the conclusion that I don't even really li...

When I was about 17 years old, I went to a church camp. And honestly, I don't remember much, but I do remember one thing that changed my life. Even though I did a horrible job of following through. My camp chaperone gave all the girls journals so we can write about our time at camp. Then she talked to me privately and told me that after camp was over, I needed to keep writing. Always write in my journal. I did it for a while, and then I stopped. I never understood the value and purpose of it until a couple of years ago. But even now, I do a horrible job, even though I always keep a journal with me. Always. So, anyway, here's my attempt to write again, except this time, I'm obviously making it more public lol. I am still carrying my journal for things I don't want to share, but that isn't much lol. I don't do a whole lot. I have such a bad habit of never finishing journals haha