Purity in Words

Dear Danielle, I’m not ready, but I need to be. I need to take this head on. I need to move past this. You’re going to be my cousin-in-law for many, many years to come, and I want to be able to have at least a decent relationship with you. The thing is, I’m scared of you. Well, no… you intimidate me. But there are some things I need to let go of, as I’m sure you do too. So I’m here, with trembling hands, doing so. I remember writing you a long piece many years ago that I had ADHD. And though that may be true, I’ve learned that this isn’t the entire story. It’s not  just  ADHD or whatever. It’s so much deeper (and darker) than that. I knew I needed help or I would lose everything I held dear. I started really advocating for myself. I went to my doctor with a laundry list of things that I dealt with that I didn’t want to deal with anymore. At the time, she diagnosed me Bipolar and put me on new meds. This…. Look, messing with brain chemistry is a scary thing. I’ll just say that....

Oops. I wrote this a week ago... I may not post everyday but I should at least make an effort to write. It’s good for me.   I haven’t been feeling well lately. I’ve been getting these really terrible headaches. And I’m the type of person that will try to tough it out and won’t take anything. I think that’s because when I do take something, it doesn’t do much anyway. At least sometimes. Those are the bad ones. And nothing helps but sleep. Which makes me wonder if it’s sleep related. It’s just so draining. I just need to sleep. For days. Just to catch up.   In other news, I didn’t have any nightmares last night for once. It actually wasn’t that bad of a dream. I don’t remember it though. When I was younger, I thought that things in dreams meant something. My mom had one of those dream dictionaries that I would look through after I had a dream that I remembered. And I really believed that stuff. I found signs in things that weren’t signs.   Speaking of, I remember my dad pra...