Thinking

Not one of my favorite past times. It seems to be the one thing that I hate doing that I can't seem to not do. Terribly frustrating.

I had an awkward conversation with my coworker last night. Turns out she's dating a guy I went to school with. Which is fantastic. He's a good guy and he'll treat her well. But it was also awkward because I was slightly involved with him for a while. And by involved, I mean we didn't date, but I did like him. I don't mean involved. LOL.

Anyway, it brought back a lot of memories. A lot of painful memories that I didn't know I had. Even worse is that I don't remember them well, so I really have no idea what they are about exactly. And I can't stop thinking about it.

Usually a good distraction is playing video games but for some reason I find absolutely no solace in Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. And actually, I'm replaying the game on Master Quest, I've come to the conclusion that I don't even really like the game. It was good the first time around because I was discovering a new game, but honestly I wouldn't be sad if I never played it again.

Actually, beating that game left me feeling the way I did when I finished Chobits, though to a lesser extent. But that's a totally different story. The ending left me depressed. Chobits left me hating life.

Back to the point, I really don't care for being reminded of my past. I suppose it helped mold me into who I am now, but I'm not sure if that's what I want to be. It has done me a lot of good in the long run, but sometimes I wonder why so much happened to me.

I'm not doing the whole "why me?" thing. I'm really just wondering if there was a purpose and if there any way to have stopped it? Is it my fault or was I completely innocent? I'm still trying to figure it out.

I try not to think about it too much though. I'm aware that bad things happen to everyone. I don't want a pity party. I just deal with it and move on. And avoid people accordingly.

Which reminds me. I've been trying to find my wedding ring. No, I'm not married nor have I ever been. But I've been engaged. Once and a half. And I bought a wedding ring and I want to sell it. But I can't seem to find it anywhere. I probably put it somewhere "safe". Likely its with my diamond necklace that I haven't seen in years.

I'd like to sell that one too.

I'm ready to let go and stop thinking about it.